Shedding some light...

I'm grading journals for this week, and I've just learned something that might put many people's belief systems on end. In fact, the Bible may have to be rewritten. Not to mention the history books.

Ben Franklin is a man who invented light.

I mean, I always thought that was attributed to God, or some higher being. Apparently they lived in darkness until the late 1700s, though. Who knew. Guess that makes Shakespeare's work all the more impressive, since he did all that without light...

Of course, all the kids telling me that he "invented" electricity also amuse me. I'm pretty sure electricity was there, we just had to find it.

I suppose I should apologize.

I said there would be hilarity when I graded my seniors' personal statements. There were quite a few choice snippets I had initially intended to post, but I was busy, and by the time I had the time to write a post on here, I wanted nothing to do with the essays.

Now, I'm not saying they were all bad. There were even a few that I would call "good" essays. There were a couple that would be put to better use folded up and shoved under an uneven table leg to hold it steady. But I was so frustrated by the general stupidity of a senior English class (you know, graduation requirement) and the number of essays I either got late, or in several cases *never* got. And then they wonder why they're failing when they get their first progress report.

Really? You don't do the only major assignment so far, and you're wondering why you're failing? That's like zipping past a cop going 75 mph in a school zone and wondering why you're getting a ticket.

In addition to this fun, there's the fact that last week was hell. Apparently different groups within the same school district can't actually talk to each other, else last week would not have been so bad. Instead, I had a meeting every day from Monday through Thursday, each from a different group, and all making my week feel like it would never end. In contrast, the week before was empty, and this week is empty. Couldn't one of those groups have noticed this and maybe scheduled one of the meetings for this week instead? Nah, that's too logical. Wouldn't want to do something that made sense. That would throw everyone off.

Oh, there was one bright spot to the week though. Kid was dumb enough to give me the finger in class while my back was turned. What really made it dumb is that the whole class is tired of his stupid shit because it keeps pissing me off and causing the whole class to get scolded, so after class several students turned him in. So he got a write up and a call home (and wonder of wonders, the number was accurate, and dad actually said he'd do something. Stupid kid actually pulled up in the driveway as I was talking to dad. Too bad I couldn't have been a fly on the wall for that one.) I love when the kids turn against each other. I can stand there and wait for the rest of the class to start telling the clowns to shut up. I get a kick out of that. It's kind of like putting two Japanese fighting fish in the same tank...

More scary than funny. Well, still funny.

As much fun as it is to mock my students' little stupid comments and what not, sometimes what I see really kind of scares me.

I'm grading journal entries from my Juniors, and some of the writing I see reminds me more of my 7 year old niece than what a 16 year old should be writing. For example, in response to the topic asking how America has changed since the early explorers, and whether these changes were good or not, I got this:

"It has charge alot. There are more jobs. There is more house. We have alot more techdogy. Like computer vidoes game .t.v. The charge are good. We have alot more medicates to help people get better. If we didn't have medics alot of people would died. There would be lose people in the world."

Don't get me wrong, a part of me laughs my ass off when I read this shit. But another part of me can't help but wonder how the fuck the kid got all the way to Junior English and writes like that. This isn't one of my special ed kids, either. At least for them, I understand. This kid is "normal" by educational standards, and there are more like that. Here's another entry, in response to my asking what hardships the Pilgrims faced. (We had just read about how they had had some ship problems on the way the day before, so that's why there are ship references.)

"Because they ship are built very good. they will brake easly. I would have been bad but again good. The bad is cause people was trying to kill them. They went to missortia in later December. It was freeze and they trying to build houses."

I'm not sure what "missortia" is, though I suppose by default it equals "Massachusetts" since that's where the Pilgrims landed and all. Still, the urge to gouge out my eyes with a spoon is strong. And I still have about 40 more journals to read this weekend. Just wait until we get to my seniors' personal statements. The mockery will never end, I'm sure. Don't worry, I'll continue to leave off names, and gender where possible, to protect the functionally retarded.

Stupid is as stupid does.

I like to joke around with my students. I am by nature a sarcastic person, and as much as I may be told by workshops that sarcasm does not belong in the classroom, I still use it. If I didn't, my students would have to learn to actually read on their own, because I'd never speak.

Anyway. One of my long-standing jokes with my classes is that I am allergic to lies/bullshit. This allergy manifests itself as "sneezing" when a kid starts trying to weasel their way out of something. Only thing is the sneeze sounds oddly like "bullshit" when that happens. Odd, right? Generally, the kids are very quick to pick up on this, because apparently the novelty of a teacher cussing just never wears off.

Well, today, after I've already had several "sneezing" bouts in this class, much of the class is giggling, and I actually state out loud that I have this "allergy" to lies.

Student: Wait, really?

Now, she is a sweet girl, and I really didn't want to hurt her feelings by mocking her incessantly. Luckily, her friends did it for her, so I was able to save my own ass from getting fired.

Other Student: Did you seriously just ask that?
Student: What, I just wanted to make sure!
Other Student: Are you that stupid?

For a moment I wondered if she would take offense, but apparently she's too dense to realize how much they making fun of her.